Could School Get Any Worse?

Eighth grade was pure disaster. I knew we had to do something. I had a good friend who felt inspired to bring me a book on ADHD in Teenagers and legal ways to get schools to cope with and help these children. We went to the principal, ready to make changes. However, the school could never get all the teachers together or the teachers were there without a counselor, there were hundreds of excuses. We talked with the school board and they assured us this was possible, but we did have to meet with this entire board of people and we felt they were giving us the runaround. We tried getting to the teachers individually, however, without the proper meetings, they said they couldn’t adjust the requirements or even the consequences of late work, tardiness, amount of work, etc. The vice principal seemed to almost enjoy our frustration. Almost daily, I got a phone call from him that Todd had been tardy or caused a disruption or skipped school. The school had labeled him a 'bad' kid and nothing we could do would change that. The cherry on top was when Todd was called in by the vice principal for a really disruptive event that involved being crude to another person. We would not stand for that, but thus far, that was totally out of character for Todd. Well, sure enough, it wasn’t Todd, but he had already been dragged out of class, been embarrassed and once again felt worthless.

Busy, Busy, Busy

As Todd got older, his daily life threatening occurrences got fewer. Not gone but fewer. We noticed other things. It was harder for him to focus on homework or read anything required for school. His action versus consequence ratio seemed to get worse. We tried to keep him busy. Just like every doctor encouraged and every book we read. He played club soccer, he played baseball (which was hard because he lost focus) but he enjoyed the time, he started skateboarding, snow boarding and anything else he could get him involved in. We were less concerned that he pass all his classes with A’s, but that he was busy and happy.

Home School Dilemma

I went back to thinking that next year, I would home school. I couldn’t stand that everything the books said was true. These children are constantly told they aren’t good enough, not up to par and always in trouble. John encouraged me to give it one more year and then we could decide. We made a request, actually more like a demand, for a teacher and we got him. This teacher was very impressed with Todd because he was an athlete and Todd played for the same soccer club team that the teacher's son played for. He also spent a lot of time outdoors with his class. This was awesome for Todd. The more physical activity Todd had, the happier he was. He also had an reward system, not a punishment system, that motivated Todd. We were so relieved.

Teachers Really Don't Get It

The next few years were difficult at best. We tried to work with the teachers and the principal but to no avail. They told me to medicate him. I was at the school constantly. One problem that seemed to define a lot of the issues of school happened in the fifth grade. The class was assigned to make a map of the United States which involved tracing a huge shape of the US and then cutting out individual states, gluing them on and labeling the state and capitol. Todd worked hard to do this assignment. I was so

impressed with him. Todd put his heart into it and spent hours (which was almost impossible) to complete it. He was so excited the day it was due. A few days later he came home devastated. He had received a C. He didn’t understand why and frankly neither did I. Everything was correct. It wasn't pretty but all the information was there, even if it was messy and rumpled. I was furious. I wanted the teacher to have some idea of how this affected Todd. We set up a meeting and she told us that it wasn’t “A” work. She then proceeded to show us the maps of an “A child”. I begged her to understand that even if it wasn’t neat and perfect, that if she understood how long Todd had worked on it and how excited he had been, that the self esteem for Todd was devastating. Wasn’t there any way to up his grade, because he had done it correctly. She simply didn’t understand.

What a Disappointment

Third grade was a huge disappointment. We handpicked our teachers. We had two teachers that team taught and they had taught all our previous five children. We went in and talked to them up front and said that if they thought Jim, David and Rick had been a little busy and had a hard time focusing then Todd was going to be an even greater challenge. After just a couple of weeks, we were so disappointed when they told us that they didn’t want Todd in their class anymore. I knew these are the things and the comments that make these children lose their self esteem and cause them to believe that they are no good.

First & Second Grade

First grade was more challenging. I had refused up to this point to tell the school about his ADHD. I heard horror stories of how schools would force your child to be on medication or they couldn’t come to school. I didn’t want that label to be with him through school. After some very long talks and a lot time spent in the classroom, the teacher became more sympathetic. We made a deal, though. I could usually tell in the morning if it was going to be a bad day and on those days, Todd just stayed home with me. Once he got to school, if things didn't seem to be going well, she would call and I would bring him home.

Second grade was amazing. We were blessed to have the best teacher in the world. First, she loved Todd and that is half the battle. She had very little difficulty and Todd adored her. I often told people if they could just get to know Todd and if they loved him, none of the other stuff was as important. She used very positive discipline techniques and never once had to call me at home. Todd loved school and I begged her to just keep changing grades right along with Todd.

Starting School

I had dreaded the day that Todd would go to school from the moment he could walk. John and I talked for hours on whether we should home school or not. I didn't want Todd getting negative reactions from teachers who weren't willing to give him a chance, yet I thought it was critical that he learn to respect other adults, not just Mom and Dad. I also knew from dealing with teachers and school administrators with our older children that the public school system is designed for the masses. They have round holes and handle round pegs just fine. However, if your child was a square peg, it could be a frustrating, painful process trying to get them to fit in. I knew that it was going to take very tender teachers and that I would be very involved. I thought kindergarten couldn’t be too hard and it actually wasn’t. The biggest problem for Todd was anytime he sat down and stopped moving, he fell asleep. For some reason, the teachers didn’t seem to mind.